It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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