did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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