the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
