Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
