A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize