the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
