I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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