you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
