I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
