We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
