Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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