i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
