Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
