i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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