Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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