Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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