if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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