party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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