I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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