Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
