Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
