I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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