Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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