at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
