Someone shit on the floor
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize