Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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