Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
