names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
