the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize