I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
