I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
