I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Even my vagina gasped.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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