Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize