So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
