I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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