even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
