No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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