HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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