just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
now i know why i became what i already was.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
