Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
