I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Houston, we have a squirter
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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