tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
