thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
