mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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