Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
