I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
