is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
