every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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