He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
