I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize