you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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