where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
