WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Randomize
