Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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