If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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