cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
