I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize