i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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