Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
