I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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