You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
