This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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