I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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