also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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