Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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