he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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