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Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
