I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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