I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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