I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
