Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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