I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
