he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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