i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Everyone says I win the strip club
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
