if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
