Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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