call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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