I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
