the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
