Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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