Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
