There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
