I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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