WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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