I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
