hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
