Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
