Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
