If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
