I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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