I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
