if only i could text you this smell
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
