2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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