She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize