we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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