I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
