She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
